Friday, May 29, 2009


Tomorrow my babe will turn 6 months old.

Each day I anticipate, fear, and yearn for my tomorrows while desperately clinging on to my yesterdays. I often miss the beauty of the moment while spinning through my past and imagining the future.

"Nothing has a stronger influence psychologically on their environment and especially on their children than the un-lived life of the parent." ~ Carl Jung

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Nursing In Public

I had my first nursing in public incident... sort of.

A very close friend had a baby shower. I made sure she wouldn't mind if I brought my babe along to which she replied, "Of course! It is a baby shower after all!" Including her, there were 3 pregnant women, family, close friends, and her grandpa who mostly stayed in the background taking pictures.

On two occasions my babe was hungry so I fed him. I stepped outside of the room to get a good latch and then returned to the group. I didn't use a blanket, but nothing was showing.

Anyhow, I guess one of guests complained to my friends that it made her uncomfortable that I nursed my baby. She told her that was something that should only be done in some one's own home.

Okay, I swear it was 80 degrees in the house. My babe and I were both sweating. It was way too hot for a blanket which would have covered his head, not my breast since it wasn't showing in the first place! But of course, that wouldn't have been good enough since I wasn't inside of my own home anyways. Also, we were there for 5 hours! Everyone else was chowing down, but my baby should wait until we are home to eat?

I am really disappointed. Of all the "public" places I should feel comfortable nursing my baby it should be at a close friend's baby shower with a bunch of baby crazy ladies and pregnant women, right?

Sadly, the girl who complained happened to be pregnant herself. Really, taking this into account I actually find it more sad than offensive.

There is so much running through my head that I will probably come back to this topic again.

Anyone else have a similar story? A positive nursing in public experience? Anyone relate to how this woman may have been feeling?

Thursday, May 14, 2009

It Is Final

My babe and I have officially moved to the farm. It happened sooner than I had expected or even planned, but now it is done.

No one last anythings.

In the morning I will wake up to my beautiful baby and he will wake up to me and together we will be alright.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Moving On

My Mom and spaghEddie helped me get the new room ready. The babe and I should be moving in sometime this week.

I am trying my best to be excited and keep in mind all of the positive things that are to come. Still, I cannot help but to mourn what might have been.

Monday, May 11, 2009

My First Mother's Day

I hope all of my mama readers had a wonderful day!

Yesterday was Mother's Day, my very first since becoming a mother.

My little love gave me his first tooth cutting through as an early gift the evening before. I never imagined that much joy could swell inside me simply from feeling a hard little catch on his gums. In the morning, we were making all our sounds. I continued to encourage him to say, "mama," as I often do and he finally put his little lips together without a slobbery raspberry blowing out. He tried hard to copy me, but it sounded more like, "mba-mba," which of course makes my heart melt anyhow.

It looks like this Thursday we will be moving to the farm. My feelings are regularly playing tug of war which made for an emotional first Mother's Day for me. I go from sad, to relieved, to angry, to excited, to heartbroken.

My little boy is beautiful and it keeps my heart aglow.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Conscious Intent

It often doesn't occur to us to consider something other than what we are used to. Then, when we are questioned it is hard to consider that we have simply been mislead through the the natural occurrence of cultural conditioning!

For example and example only, it is unfortunate that people are so uncomfortable considering the possibility that something so routinely done to such a private part of a baby, simply for cosmetic reasons, against their choice might not be a good idea despite the fact that it has become common. We are creatures of habit, we go with the grain, etc.

It is tough. It is like a switch gets flipped when you suddenly realize that just because something is *normal* or *common* doesn't mean it is right. Obviously, we know that is the truth, but to apply it and really question is another thing. I went from "Why wouldn't we circumcise?" to "Wow... I cannot believe I thought this was normal and okay."

Really, I am not trying to even discuss circumcision again. What I really want to talk about is why it is so hard to break out of our cultural conditioning, our lack of conscious intent.

Any bites?

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

My Mom

I just thought I would share a picture of my Mom (playing in the snow this past winter) since I write about her in many of my posts. I definitely think my sense of style has been influenced by her.

(Photo by L.L.R. edited by myself.)

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Right In The Kisser!

I made lip stain!

Just a bit of freshly juiced beet and some extra virgin coconut oil makes a pretty tasty pout!

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Hot Chicks & Young Kids Farm

Yay, we are going to have a farm!

So my Mom and her husband, spaghEddie, went and picked up some baby chicks the other day. They had been planning to, but finally went through with it on a whim. Since the babe and I were mid sunny afternoon walk I told her to go ahead and pick ours out for us saying, "You'll know my chick when you see it." She looks like a fluffy caterpillar resting with her sisters under the heat lamp in the laundry room. Now we just need a name.

This morning the babe and I woke early, bundled up, and went out with my Mom and spaghEddie to pick out a couple of kids! On the drive there I was determined to name one of the goats Regina. It turns out that it is a bit much for amateurs to take on getting a female in hopes to have raw goat's milk. Someday... Instead, it was suggested we get the 2 neutered males which will be old enough to come home with us in about 6 weeks!

Hmm, I think Regina is a perfect name for the chick, now we just need one for the goat!

Things are really starting to fall into place and the babe and I will be moving in probably sooner rather than later. We will share a small room on the back end of the house with our own private entrance and porch. There is a lot of work to do, but I think it will turn out to be quite the adventure!