Tuesday, April 28, 2009


Anyone remember those fortune tellers we used to make as kids? You would fold up a piece of paper just so and then label different sections with numbers and colors. On the inside flaps where fortunes that you would come to depending on what number and color you chose.

My life is like one of those things lately. I have choices I need to make, the unexpected is being revealed, and everything is unfolding.

I feel there is a strong connection between a dream I had and the day that was carried out from it.

I went to my Mom's (which is also our Grandma's house) to help her clean out a spare room that my little one and I will be staying in for a while. One entire wall of the room is covered in lattice with old frames and family photos hanging from it. We took each one down with care, reminiscing about our family. There we were, sharing memories while creating one.

My Mom is in a bit of a rush to complete some tasks around the house before our Grandma (I am always referring to my great Grandma unless I say otherwise) returns home from the rehabilitation center. Also, our lease is up where I am living in August, but I may leave sooner if everything falls into place.

The afternoon was warm and bright. We took my babe and a couple of the dogs for a walk up the long gravel driveway to the creek. We talked about cleaning up the outside bird cages, getting some chicks, and maybe even a goat. People often use the saying, "When one door closes, another opens," but sometimes it goes the other way around too, which is less optimistic, but true nonetheless.

I headed off to work. Shortly after my Mom left the house to visit our Grandma, her husband answered the door to my Mom's brother. My Mom and Uncle have not seen each other in almost ten years. Once off work, my Mom and I went to see him. I cannot imagine how my mom was feeling, but I wasn't short of feelings myself. Not only is this man my Uncle, but he was also one of my Dad's best friends. Since I have no contact with my Dad's side of my family, he is one of my closest links. I crave a connection to my Dad who I lost just after I turned 13 years old.

There is little I can write that will give any justice to the emotionally charged evening we shared. I cannot even bring myself to proof read this right now, so please excuse any grammatical messes I may have made.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Building Fences

Last night I dreamt I was building a fence with my Mother. We were measuring, sawing, nailing, and painting. We peeked inside people's windows as we made our way across the block and talked about the lives we imagined they were living.

I often have very detailed dreams. Writing them down rarely happens because I always imagine I will be able to remember them, especially when they resonate so deeply. More often than not, I forget them after only a few days. I grasp at my memory searching for the story I hope explains the lingering feelings. Nothing. So instead, I will start writing them here and sharing them with you.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Sweet Dreams Sunday

My beautiful babe has strawberry eyelashes. Under the evening sunlight I noticed just how brightly they are colored. I would like to thank our Moby wrap for the close up. As we walked along the lake side, my little love rested against my chest taking in all of the scenery until he drifted off to sleep. We rarely use our stroller, but when we have, his daddy and I take turns between who has to push and who gets to walk along side looking at our beautiful boy.

Tomorrow I am heading to my Grandma's to help my mom clean out a spare room. The babe and I will be staying there for a bit come late summer. It is something I dread and look forward to all at the same time. We will be sharing a home with my Mom, her husband, my Sister, my Great Grandma, and a mass amount of animals.

The house has enough space for everyone. Thankfully, Grandma has plenty of property which will come in handy when enough space really isn't enough, not to mention adventures, pictures, exploring, inspiration... Ahh, see? Being close to my family and nature are some things I am looking forward to. I will save the dreading part for another post.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Always Untitled

I wrote this a while back. It was born to be read aloud, so clear your throat and breathe your voice into it. Let me know what you think.

wide, Spilled
pride, White
lie, Justify.
Set in motion,
To be out of
Proportion, i
Rest and wait,


Inmate of
A different sort,
Hurts my belly
When I contort,
Wrap my skin
Around your corpse,
Call it love,
Call it force.

Vigor, vigor,

My mornings are
A stale aftertaste
Of vomit
And Winston Cigarettes
A dead man drags
Into the kitchen
For black tar coffee.

I do not speak to dead men,
And they do not speak to me.

I dream of a bed
With sorbet sheets
Soaked in sweat
Where I can catch
My sleep in a
Butterfly net
Instead of wrestling
With rotten bellied
Moans and
Groans that echo
Through dimly lit
Hallways and stick
To the red carpets
And then to the bottom
Of my feet leaving
A filmy residue
On the soul.

Despite the furnace,
Here it is always cold.
The kind a hat cannot help,
Or a sweater
Or a crochet blanket
My great grandmother's
Sister made her
That I wrap around
Her crepe paper skin.
She sleeps with wax earplugs,
So she sleeps with sanity
Even while the decay
Filters through her vents
From the blood she delivered
Watching westerns
In the next room
Smoking his life.

wide, Spilled
pride, White
lie, Justify.
Set in motion,
To be out of
Proportion, i
Rest and wait,


wide, Spilled
pride, White
lie, Justify.
Set in motion,
To be out of

Vigor, vigor,

Baby Gum Tree

Just wanted to share this picture from our trip to Pike Place on my birthday!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Whooo is a Crafty Mama?

This is my starting point. My plan is to make totes, reusable grocery bags, and the like using old fabric from thrift stores and then cut and sew felt images onto them. This was made from regular felt you can purchase at a craft store, but once this stash runs out I will be making my own felt out of wool.

Ideally, I would like to get my own sheep, but that his highly unlikely. Instead, maybe I will seek out some sheep owners in the neighboring farming town. Getting my wool directly from the owners will ensure that I am not making anything at the expense of mistreated animals. Whooo wouldn't appreciate that? Sorry, I couldn't stop myself.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Birthday Weekend Recap: Part 2


I thought we were just going to my babe's grandma's house for dinner, but when we arrived the whole family was there!

There was constant ooh-ing and ahh-ing over my little one like usual, games, ice-cream cake, and even presents!

Some awesome things I received were books, gift cards, sewing supplies, clothes, and the best of course was hanging out with everyone. I had received some felt, beach umbrella and chair, and a beautiful journal already! Lucky me..

Monday, April 20, 2009

Birthday Weekend Recap: Part 1

Lucky Me! I ended up getting a whole birthday weekend of adventure and celebration!

A couple friends, the babe, and I went to Pike Place and had a blast sampling honey, taking pictures, and listening to some talented performers. Walking around down town is something I absolutely love to do!

I know it is silly, but wearing my babe in my wrap made me feel like a stitch in the tapestry of Seattle culture. I saw a few fellow baby-wearers, but there seemed to be more people curious than familiar. It was also interesting how comfortable people were with making comments and asking questions. Maybe the spirit of the market inspires socializing a bit more freely than a department store.

After our Pike Place adventure we headed back to my place to visit with friends and my little sister while getting ready for a night out. The late night highlights included dancing, bragging about my babe, and insisting strangers smell my hair as part of my very convincing no 'poo pitch. I also managed to embarrass my friend during these and other wacky antics, which was of course all part of the fun!

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Happy Birthday to Me!

Today is my birthday and I am expecting some awesome adventures to unfold! Oh, the suspense!

Friday, April 17, 2009

Wait, I AM a Milk Machine!

After pouring my morning cup of coffee I remembered that we are out of milk, which I need to fully enjoy my coffee experience. A mocha breve would be even better, but I at least need milk!

So, here I am sipping my nearly unbearable strong cup when it occurs to me, "Wait, I am a milk machine! Just a little squirt isn't weird, right?"

(Photo courtesy of L.L.R., edited by myself.)

Thursday, April 16, 2009

No 'Poo: Day 23

Although it is technically day 23 since I committed to beginning my no 'poo journey, it has been a few days longer since I actually last shampooed. My fondness of this all is almost tempting me to call it an anniversary. I wonder, should I celebrate weeks, months, or even years? How can I be so serious about this or even know what I truly want when we haven't even been going together a month?!

This must be the toxins trying to work their way out of my system. Anyways...

So my wonderful friend who does hair offered to clean up my cut as a gift for my upcoming birthday and it turned out great. She also let me know that the waxy feeling my hair has when it is wet is old shampoo build up and will go away eventually. I thought it was just sebum. My hair is getting to the point where it is starting to repel water now. Weird.

Some great news is that I have yet to hit any real rough patches. My hair always looks and smells clean and has yet to become greasy. I am only using baking soda about once a week now and have dropped off the apple cider vinegar since I don't have long ends to condition. Sometimes in the morning I look a bit wild, but a quick rinse is all it takes to bring me back to my usual no 'poo do.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Parkinson's: More Than a Tremor

Lately, I have been spending much of my free, and not so free, time at the hospital. My great grandma, who has recently become a great, great grandmother due to my little guy, has very recently been diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. As a result, our family is trying hard not to be taken by the undercurrent of guilt.

The picture above was taken less than a year ago. Today, she lays in the hospital with a feeding tube in her nose and the mask of Parkinson's which has frozen most of her facial expressions. The story leading up to this is a painful, confusing one tangled with assumptions, accusations, and guilt that I am just not ready to unfold yet.

She didn't just give up, she wasn't simply depressed, she wasn't exaggerating, she wasn't pretending. Everything, everything was because something really was very wrong.

Learn more about Parkinson's disease and the symptoms because it isn't just a movement disorder. The classic tremor that is typically associated with Parkinson's didn't show up until very recently. Had a diagnosis and treatment been done years ago things would be very different today. When I angrily asked the neurologist who came to confirm the diagnosis why no one knew what was wrong, why her doctor was treating or dismissing all of her symptoms instead of recognizing the real problem she simply responded with, "She isn't a neurologist."

(Photo courtesy of L.L.R., edited by myself.)

Saturday, April 4, 2009

21 Great Baking Soda Uses

Here are some great ideas on what to do with your baking soda!
  1. Exfoliate
  2. Replace your shampoo and no 'poo
  3. Put out grease and electrical fires
  4. Sprinkle a bit into shoes and slippers to keep them fresh
  5. Make a foot or bath soak
  6. Pat on under arms and feet to keep dry
  7. Use instead of toothpaste
  8. Sprinkle on carpet before vacuuming
  9. Run your coffee pot with some and water to clean
  10. Mix with water in a bowl and cook in microwave to soften stuck on foods
  11. Put a small box or bowl in your fridge for freshness and to soak up moisture
  12. Make a paste to soothe cold sores, bug bites, sunburns, and rashes
  13. Use as an ant deterrent
  14. Sprinkle into cat litter to help control odor
  15. With water, use as mouth wash
  16. Clean your drains
  17. Polish silverware
  18. Use in ashtrays
  19. Add to your laundry for tough stains
  20. Clean your dishwasher by running it through a wash
  21. In fact, use baking soda to clean everywhere and everything like
  • Pots and pans
  • Bathrooms
  • Kitchens
Make sure to spot test when using on surfaces and fabrics. Always use food grade quality when using on your body or ingesting.
Please feel free to contribute your ideas!

Thursday, April 2, 2009

I Cut My Own Hair...

"Maybe you should cut your own hair cause that can be so funny! It doesn't cost any money and it always grows back, hair grows even after you're dead."
- Regina Spektor's Ghost of Corporate Future

Lately, I have been anxious for a change, among other things. What is a girl to do? Well, get her hair done of course! Even more uplifting than a trip to the local salon is a rubber band and some heavy duty kitchen scissors. One quick clip and a few little snips and you have got yourself quite an accomplishment!

Now, I certainly have no training or experience cutting hair which made this even more fun. I was creating, undoing, letting go, taking a risk, challenging myself, and thinking outside the box all in one exhilarating chop.

I have had a few opportunities and offers to "clean it up," but I don't think I am ready to fix it just yet.