From Here On Out

One year ago last Friday, March 20, I found out that I was going to be a mother.

The emotions poured through me colorful and bright. Shock, fear, excitement, and disbelief overtook me. The disbelief made itself quite at home and I imagine it will stay with me the rest of my life.

I dote on my beautiful babe's every wakeful moment in complete awe. I am really looking forward to helping his little toes experience all the sandy, wet joy of the beach for his first time this summer. There is so much I want to teach him. Even more though, I want to stand back so that I do not get in the way of opportunity. It is easy to send someone a message that suggests you don't believe in them. If he wants to become or do anything, who am I to tell him he cannot? If at 6 years old he wants to fly, I will just point him in the direction of the swing set and away from the rooftop.

I, on the other hand, do not even bother to swing anymore. It isn't that I am particularly pessimistic, I just don't expect to fly. He is growing everyday and I desperately want to catch up to where I left off. I want to challenge myself, try new things, be adventurous, spontaneous, learn, explore, discover new talents, and everything else that will inspire me to grow! How can I expect to nurture his excitement for life when I am so caught up in the things that keep me from living it?

Today, when I leave the house I am only going to check the heaters and locks once. If whats her name tries to give me any grief about it I am really going to let her have it this time.