Running with the Current

After a long while stuck in heavy weighted hesitation, I am ready. I am ready to leap forward and run with the current!

(Photo used coutesy of LM)

Tasty Tomorrows

To be tickled with the scent of what is to come creates cravings nearly as strong as aches for long lost memories. Instead of this hint in the air, I want to taste it and gnaw its meaty experience. I want to drift into daydreams reminiscing through its aftertaste. Mmm, tasty, tasty tomorrows.

Adventures Part 1: Ideas

There are exciting ideas coming to life as the winter begins to thaw. Goals and plans and new opportunities are starting to take shape. I imagine this spring will be an amazing one. My little babe is growing and really becoming curious about the world around him. I love to have the woods here in our backyard, but I crave to experience more. I want the grand ideas that seem like leaps from possibility to be only stepping stones for my son. 

Before the year is over my little babe and I will try our hand at WWOOFing. It is definitely time for an adventure.

My First Product on the Market!

Upcycled Safari Tote
with Vintage Buttons
First of the Jungle Virgin Series

Back in April, I said I would do it! After sewing my babe a monster baby for his first birthday (I will get around to posting pictures of that soon!) I have really been on a roll. I had never sewn before, was borrowing my sister's sewing machine without a presser foot, and did it completely from scratch without any sort of pattern or anything. It turned out pretty cute and really inspired me to start creating, especially since receiving from a friend a second hand sewing machine of my very own! I have made a few small keepsake purses and journals that I will be giving as Christmas gifts, but I wanted to offer this little tote for someone who might appreciate my new found excitement in handmade!

This Upcycled Safari Tote is home to a sweet felt elephant I cut by hand. It has been adorned with vintage buttons from my mother's button box which has been passed down from my Great Grandmother who she now cares for here at the farm. It is the perfect size for books or magazines with long enough straps to comfortably sling over your shoulder. Completely handmade and unique it is sure to be a conversation piece.

This is the first of the Jungle Virgin Series, creations inspired by the wild and true stories of my Great Grandmother Virginia. Why Jungle Virgin to honor her stories? In high school she detailed the back of her green "slicker" with tape creating a picture of a palm tree and her nickname, "Jungle Virgin."

Toddlers, Mod Podge, and Holidays... Oh My. No Really Though, Oh My.

Quick Updates:

My Babe is one...
He is now a six toothed, cruising walker, chatter/signer, dancing explorer nursling! His favorite word is pretty, he loves flowers as well as the game of dropping things on the floor which he has cleverly named, "Uh-Oh." Nearly 50 people came to celebrate his one year mark. For his birthday his Daddy made him some beautiful brightly colored wooden blocks and I baked his cake and sewed him a monster baby. Pictures to come!

Christmas is almost here and I am crafting, cutting, stitching, (soon to be) sewing, mod podging, shopping, (soon to be) baking, and looking for inspiration everywhere. Pictures to come!

We have many festive adventures planned so stay posted!

My Nearly One Year Old Nursling

My little nursling is nearly a one year old little boy!

Today while walking around a department store with my Mom and spaghEddie I realized that he is growing more quickly than my fluttering heart or embracing arms can keep up with!

I tried to nurse him while walking around. With one arm. Discreetly. He had other plans.

Instead, he wanted me to cradle him completely while he pulled up my shirt to touch my collar bone. He wanted to take quick breaks to shout, "Hello!" and whip around to glance at all the passerby. When I was slow to letdown he was determined to examine and pinch my nipple. This was my cue to find a rocker and have a seat to finish nursing. This was a nice experience to share with my Mom who joined us without a flicker of uncertainty even now when I don't bother with a blanket or cover anymore. Not only that, but my almost one year old who is in the 95th percentile for height looks like a kid on the lap of a barely over 5 ft me. This makes me smile even now and I will be sure to let her know how much I appreciate her support despite her prior experience or knowledge of breastfeeding.

My little one has been extra affectionate lately. I wonder if it has to do with his sensing that his Mama wants to bank up all the baby love she can get before he turns into a big kid. This reminds me of an article I read the other day on how we focus so much on all the firsts, but rarely recognize let alone remember many of the lasts. I am glad we have not put a one year limit on breastfeeding like I had assumed everyone did early on in my pregnancy. Besides all of the known health benefits and the AAP and WHO recommendations, there really is something extra special about breastfeeding that I don't think either of us are ready to let go of just yet.

P.S. I am planning on making a monster baby for his first birthday gift! Better get started!

Return

The warm weather kept me outside for my little one's first summer adventures. Now that autumn is settling in it is time to get back to some of my writing, including this blog. How nice it will be to sit and sip some warm apple cider and type away.

Autumn is my most favorite season. I can feel the mood of my muse in the cool air against my neck. I can hear her in the wind cutting through crisp leaves. Her scent is sweet in dimly lit mornings. Her taste is warm and spicy. Autumn has beautiful timing.

Summertime Update

The kids (our new goats!) are settling in at our home and we love having them here! We have been making s'mores at the fire pit in the evenings after tucking in the chicks and kids for the night. I love the smell of a camp fire...


Some other things I love right now and why:

Extra Virgin Coconut Oil

• natural SPF 15
• body and facial moisturizer - no more blemishes! really!
  
• soothes my Babe's eczema and my Mom's psoriasis
• great for nails and cuticles
• used sparingly it is good for hair styling and/or conditioning
• not to mention all of the culinary uses!

Baking Soda

• for a great list of uses check this out
  
• lately I have been using baking soda with a few drops of lavender essential oil mixed in for my no 'poo scrub, as a foot powder for shoes without socks, and under my arms

My Babe

• he is experiencing the sight, smells, textures, and tastes of new foods
• swam in a pool for the first time
• sits up for long stretches
  
• rolls everywhere
• plays with his big, pink bouncy ball
  
• is simply amazing, adorable, and inspiring!
  

Great, Great

Life has been whirling by...

So many things my son is learning to do, my Great Grandma is forgetting.

He learns to pull himself up to standing, teeters back and forth grasping my hands, then drops to his bottom in a burst of giggles. She is helped to stand on her aching legs, gripping the handles of a rarely used walker, a wheelchair is pushed behind her as my Mom helps her to sit as gracefully as possible.

He opens wide his gummy grin excited to experience the tastes and textures of new foods. When it runs down his chin we joyfully capture the moment through pictures. Formula and medication are inserted into my Grandma's stomach through a feeding tube by a syringe and a machine. The tube hangs from her belly, a foreign object inside and outside of her body at the same time. She gets to have bites fed to her of thickened treats like grape juice and apple sauce. We lift her elbow so that she might wipe her own chin with dignity.

They have a special bond. We all put in so much effort to entertain him, encourage him to babble, laugh, and play. My Grandma does little more than look into his eyes and he lights up. He stares right at her, bouncing his body around and making every noise that he knows. There is something rare that is shared between a Great, Great Grandma and a Great, Great Grandson that I can only imagine to understand.

Today

Tomorrow my babe will turn 6 months old.

Each day I anticipate, fear, and yearn for my tomorrows while desperately clinging on to my yesterdays. I often miss the beauty of the moment while spinning through my past and imagining the future.

"Nothing has a stronger influence psychologically on their environment and especially on their children than the un-lived life of the parent." ~ Carl Jung

Nursing In Public

I had my first nursing in public incident... sort of.

A very close friend had a baby shower. I made sure she wouldn't mind if I brought my babe along to which she replied, "Of course! It is a baby shower after all!" Including her, there were 3 pregnant women, family, close friends, and her grandpa who mostly stayed in the background taking pictures.

On two occasions my babe was hungry so I fed him. I stepped outside of the room to get a good latch and then returned to the group. I didn't use a blanket, but nothing was showing.

Anyhow, I guess one of guests complained to my friends that it made her uncomfortable that I nursed my baby. She told her that was something that should only be done in some one's own home.

Okay, I swear it was 80 degrees in the house. My babe and I were both sweating. It was way too hot for a blanket which would have covered his head, not my breast since it wasn't showing in the first place! But of course, that wouldn't have been good enough since I wasn't inside of my own home anyways. Also, we were there for 5 hours! Everyone else was chowing down, but my baby should wait until we are home to eat?

I am really disappointed. Of all the "public" places I should feel comfortable nursing my baby it should be at a close friend's baby shower with a bunch of baby crazy ladies and pregnant women, right?

Sadly, the girl who complained happened to be pregnant herself. Really, taking this into account I actually find it more sad than offensive.

There is so much running through my head that I will probably come back to this topic again.

Anyone else have a similar story? A positive nursing in public experience? Anyone relate to how this woman may have been feeling?

It Is Final

My babe and I have officially moved to the farm. It happened sooner than I had expected or even planned, but now it is done.

No one last anythings.

In the morning I will wake up to my beautiful baby and he will wake up to me and together we will be alright.

Moving On

My Mom and spaghEddie helped me get the new room ready. The babe and I should be moving in sometime this week.

I am trying my best to be excited and keep in mind all of the positive things that are to come. Still, I cannot help but to mourn what might have been.

My First Mother's Day

I hope all of my mama readers had a wonderful day!

Yesterday was Mother's Day, my very first since becoming a mother.

My little love gave me his first tooth cutting through as an early gift the evening before. I never imagined that much joy could swell inside me simply from feeling a hard little catch on his gums. In the morning, we were making all our sounds. I continued to encourage him to say, "mama," as I often do and he finally put his little lips together without a slobbery raspberry blowing out. He tried hard to copy me, but it sounded more like, "mba-mba," which of course makes my heart melt anyhow.

It looks like this Thursday we will be moving to the farm. My feelings are regularly playing tug of war which made for an emotional first Mother's Day for me. I go from sad, to relieved, to angry, to excited, to heartbroken.

My little boy is beautiful and it keeps my heart aglow.

Conscious Intent

It often doesn't occur to us to consider something other than what we are used to. Then, when we are questioned it is hard to consider that we have simply been mislead through the the natural occurrence of cultural conditioning!

For example and example only, it is unfortunate that people are so uncomfortable considering the possibility that something so routinely done to such a private part of a baby, simply for cosmetic reasons, against their choice might not be a good idea despite the fact that it has become common. We are creatures of habit, we go with the grain, etc.

It is tough. It is like a switch gets flipped when you suddenly realize that just because something is *normal* or *common* doesn't mean it is right. Obviously, we know that is the truth, but to apply it and really question is another thing. I went from "Why wouldn't we circumcise?" to "Wow... I cannot believe I thought this was normal and okay."

Really, I am not trying to even discuss circumcision again. What I really want to talk about is why it is so hard to break out of our cultural conditioning, our lack of conscious intent.

Any bites?

My Mom

I just thought I would share a picture of my Mom (playing in the snow this past winter) since I write about her in many of my posts. I definitely think my sense of style has been influenced by her.

(Photo by L.L.R. edited by myself.)

Right In The Kisser!

I made lip stain!

Just a bit of freshly juiced beet and some extra virgin coconut oil makes a pretty tasty pout!

Hot Chicks & Young Kids Farm

Yay, we are going to have a farm!

So my Mom and her husband, spaghEddie, went and picked up some baby chicks the other day. They had been planning to, but finally went through with it on a whim. Since the babe and I were mid sunny afternoon walk I told her to go ahead and pick ours out for us saying, "You'll know my chick when you see it." She looks like a fluffy caterpillar resting with her sisters under the heat lamp in the laundry room. Now we just need a name.

This morning the babe and I woke early, bundled up, and went out with my Mom and spaghEddie to pick out a couple of kids! On the drive there I was determined to name one of the goats Regina. It turns out that it is a bit much for amateurs to take on getting a female in hopes to have raw goat's milk. Someday... Instead, it was suggested we get the 2 neutered males which will be old enough to come home with us in about 6 weeks!

Hmm, I think Regina is a perfect name for the chick, now we just need one for the goat!

Things are really starting to fall into place and the babe and I will be moving in probably sooner rather than later. We will share a small room on the back end of the house with our own private entrance and porch. There is a lot of work to do, but I think it will turn out to be quite the adventure!

Foreshadowing

Anyone remember those fortune tellers we used to make as kids? You would fold up a piece of paper just so and then label different sections with numbers and colors. On the inside flaps where fortunes that you would come to depending on what number and color you chose.

My life is like one of those things lately. I have choices I need to make, the unexpected is being revealed, and everything is unfolding.

I feel there is a strong connection between a dream I had and the day that was carried out from it.

I went to my Mom's (which is also our Grandma's house) to help her clean out a spare room that my little one and I will be staying in for a while. One entire wall of the room is covered in lattice with old frames and family photos hanging from it. We took each one down with care, reminiscing about our family. There we were, sharing memories while creating one.

My Mom is in a bit of a rush to complete some tasks around the house before our Grandma (I am always referring to my great Grandma unless I say otherwise) returns home from the rehabilitation center. Also, our lease is up where I am living in August, but I may leave sooner if everything falls into place.

The afternoon was warm and bright. We took my babe and a couple of the dogs for a walk up the long gravel driveway to the creek. We talked about cleaning up the outside bird cages, getting some chicks, and maybe even a goat. People often use the saying, "When one door closes, another opens," but sometimes it goes the other way around too, which is less optimistic, but true nonetheless.

I headed off to work. Shortly after my Mom left the house to visit our Grandma, her husband answered the door to my Mom's brother. My Mom and Uncle have not seen each other in almost ten years. Once off work, my Mom and I went to see him. I cannot imagine how my mom was feeling, but I wasn't short of feelings myself. Not only is this man my Uncle, but he was also one of my Dad's best friends. Since I have no contact with my Dad's side of my family, he is one of my closest links. I crave a connection to my Dad who I lost just after I turned 13 years old.

There is little I can write that will give any justice to the emotionally charged evening we shared. I cannot even bring myself to proof read this right now, so please excuse any grammatical messes I may have made.

Building Fences

Last night I dreamt I was building a fence with my Mother. We were measuring, sawing, nailing, and painting. We peeked inside people's windows as we made our way across the block and talked about the lives we imagined they were living.

I often have very detailed dreams. Writing them down rarely happens because I always imagine I will be able to remember them, especially when they resonate so deeply. More often than not, I forget them after only a few days. I grasp at my memory searching for the story I hope explains the lingering feelings. Nothing. So instead, I will start writing them here and sharing them with you.